Written by the Renew & Revitalize Life Coaching Team
There are few things less tragic than coming to the conclusion that your marriage is no longer working and must come to an end. Every situation is different when this occurs. If you don’t wish to engage in a terrible legal battle that has disastrous effects on everyone involved, there are ways to approach a divorce in a manner that appeases both parties with minimal emotional stress.
Divorces can also be incredibly expensive with lawyers’ fees and court costs, but if both parties work together to end things amicably, it benefits everyone involved. If you are in this unfortunate situation, there are a few ways to approach a divorce amicably.
- Find a common ground where you can discuss the terms. The more you can do outside of the courts, the better. When you involve lawyers and judges, you automatically send the other party on the defensive and that can easily turn into a nasty counterattack. Try to negotiate the terms of your divorce without involving lawyers, in an environment where you can show mutual respect to one another.
- Do not use your children as pawns. If you have children, remember that they will likely be as affected by the divorce as you are. You and your ex will need to be co-parents, so a nasty divorce immediately sets a bad precedent for your relationship with your children. No matter what your personal wishes are, always place the needs of your children first. Working together as a team is the best way to accomplish that goal.
- Be honest. Hiding assets and disguising your income is one of the most terrible ways to try to handle the terms of a divorce. The truth will always come out, and you will end up looking bad for lying. When you are negotiating the division of property, assets, and payments such as alimony and child support, you will come out on top if you are upfront and honest from the start.
- Don’t sweat the small stuff. When you are going through a divorce, it is easy to get wrapped up in details, but look at the big picture. The small things that have built up shouldn’t matter so much when you are trying to finalize things. From Psychology Today, “The alternative to going to war with fighting, accusations, blame, and attempts to use the courts to get even begins with building an honest understanding of what each of you did that led to your divorce.”
- Stop allocating blame. One of the trappings of divorce proceedings is placing blame on the other party for the marriage failing. The best way to handle the situation is to admit that you do not share the same goals that you did at the start, and it is time to part ways. No one is fully responsible for the marriage falling apart.
If you are struggling with a difficult divorce, you are not alone. Sadly, more than 20% of marriages end in divorce within five years. The good news is that help is available if you want to keep your divorce amicable. Speaking with a divorce coach is a great first step.