My role in this process is to provide skills which will allow my clients to feel, understand and move past negative emotions such as:
- Denial – Learning reality of situation
- Pain and Uncertainty – This is a loss – There can be sadness, pain, question “What Next”. You may mourn the end of the relationship. (Sometimes, having the same feeling as if dealing with the loss of you partner by death.)
- Anger – During divorce the process of ANGER is dangerous. It is mixed with hurt, feeling of self-doubt and a pyramid of undefined and unclear feelings. The anger is a negative and may hurt other; children, friends, etc. You may find yourself lashing out at not just the ex-spouse but at others not even involved.
- Regret, Guilt, Depression – Some feel a desire to “take it back”, get rid of the divorce. You may play – “What did I do Wrong?” This is beating you up and we need to gentler and more realistic through this phase. No doubt both parties were not perfect, but there does not have to be the Who’s the Bad One blame game.
However, at some point in my Divorce Coaching these feelings can be used to provide my client with some positive thoughts; concerning making the future relationships based on learning behaviors which might be beneficial to be modified for the future.
I work with each client somewhat differently, depending on how traumatic the divorce is. Each divorce is different and has multiple causes, concerns, needs, and behavior. Therefore, I get to know my client and let them know me! Without this the process becomes stilted and non-productive.